Integral Experience with Breast Cancer

I am now in my 4th week after my diagnosis of infiltrating breast cancer and already have had to digest more technical and biological information than I can handle emotionally and cognitively.  I have a frightening diagnosis, although not terminal (at least at this point), I have a top-notch surgeon and a surgery date of Nov. 4th, more tests that will be somewhat uncomfortable prior to surgery, and then after surgery I drop off into a liminal space of drugs, pain, discomfort, shocks to my body-mind, and decisions which I will probably make in line with my surgeon's and oncologist's recommendations.  I will do my usual job of researching but not to the point of total confusion.  I am falling into the "she-ro" role already of being the happy, upbeat patient with the little pink ribbon on my blouse and tons of great laugh-lines that will uplift me and my companions.

But I am also deeply embedded in an Integral perspective and have begun the first Integral seminary program at One Spirit Seminary in New York City. I have students for whom I will be a role model and source of authenticity, and I must also learn to continue investing in my own deep self-knowledge.  I had wanted to start this blog on the day of diagnosis, but frankly, found it very difficult to sort through the cultural and personal feelings.  A new book has just been published called "Pink Ribbon Blues" about the "tyranny" of the pink ribbon corporate culture that has pushed women into what the author feels is an imposed role of idealized patient who is assertive and boundlessly optimistic while remaining feminine and sexy despite the depredations of disease and treatment.

I want to walk this walk with as much clarity as possible, and see through into my body, my psyche, my family and my culture, and perhaps shine yet another light as guidance to the women who share an Integral perspective and who may be faced with this disease.